- Personal / Facts -
Some facts people might not know about me...
- I have a cat, a legion of spiders and a dead dog in a box.
- I'm actually a man.
- I have five computers none of which really work.
- I almost never buy my own clothes and have throughout my life relied on various women to do it for me.
- I comfort-eat when I am unhappy.
- I also eat to celebrate periods of happiness.
- I feel guilt after eating.
- Guilt makes me unhappy.
- I always counter the need to dress formally by painting my toenails black and gold.
- I don't hate people. I'm just afraid of them.
- Wasps hate me.
- I constantly buy stuff on ebay just so I'll have the joy of decent post.
- I had to have therapy after playing Doom 3 because of my reoccurring nightmare about being gang-raped by fat bald zombies.
- I was caught masturbating when I was fifteen by some visiting friends and it stunted my sexual growth.
- I have a framed picture of Jeffrey Donaldson on my desk to deter thieves.
- I've read the Bible, the Koran and The Book of The Law but thought the movies were better.
- I'm a stickler for internet ettiquette and grammar and have actually murdered people for not editing email replies adaquately.
- I'm still waiting for Blake's 7 to come back, but I've given up on the Amiga and the idea of any new releases from The Sisters of Mercy.
- I've eaten baguette almost religiously every day since I returned from France.
- I hardly ever seem to listen to The Cure anymore.
- I've got a fondness for pickled gherkin.
- I'm easily intimidated.
- I use Brylcreem.
- I met my hero and he turned out to be a twat.
- Cellular phone batteries hate me.
- I don't remember my first time.
- Sid Meier stole my youth.
- Those last two facts are unrelated.
- I'm beginning to suspect the new Depeche Mode album might actually be worse than the last one and I'm just deluding myself into thinking otherwise.
- I have a Tesco Clubcard.
- I'm really embarrassed about anything bowel related and have held it in for weeks in the past when I couldn't find a comfortable facility.
- My hair hates me.
- I have naughty fantasies about Avril Lavigne in a garden shed.
- I play with toy robots in the bath.
- I grow herbs in the windowsill.
- Soya products make me fart.
- I feel like I lose everything that is important to me but infact it's usually just limited to receipts, backups and lovers.
- I HATE Ainsley Harriot and I wish he was DEAD!
- I've no time for misplaced or irrational hatred and those who wish harm upon others.
- I'm a hypocrite.
- I haven't worn a watch for over ten years.
- I can procrastinate to Olympic standards, but I'd never go professional.
- I believe there is too much cynicism in the world. Especially online. I believe it stems from insecurity and is a sign of immaturity rather than sophistication.
- I once recorded a concept album about a redundant clone of Jimmy Stewart trying to survive in a media obsessed future dystopia where clones are property with no rights, but it was shite. I lost the masters in a hard drive crash and almost never regret it.
- Children hate me.
- I've written about 23 novels (first chapter of) and about 100 short stories (first couple of pages of).
- I've been virtually vegetarian for years but eat meat in polite company due to peer pressure. I purge in private and suffer great guilt and moral confusion for days later.
- The ecitement and novelty of seeing ladies naked has never worn off for me and I hope it never does.
- The smell of liver cooking makes me feel nauseous.
- I'm uncomfortable around telephones. I fear they might ring.
- I've been known to giggle nervously in my sleep.
- I'm trying to be more friendly and trusting, honestly.
- I can read most of the time without using my finger.
- People are mean to me.
- I used to have a ventriloquists dummy but I had to get rid of it because it frightened me. I still fear that it might come back one day. I sleep with the light on.
- I've made fan-sites for Bomb The Bass, Killing Joke, And One, James Ray & The Weathermen.
- I coulda been a contender.
- I believe Michael Jackson is innocent of child abuse and was framed by the Federation because they saw him as a dangerous revolutionary and killing him would only create a martyr to the rebellion.
- My LJ icon is actually a real photo of me as a child that was used by Tom Ellard for the 1982 Severed Heads release "Goodbye Tonsils". I merely reclaimed it.
- I once tried to like Football. I even had a "favourite team" but I can't remember which one it was as they all looked the same to me.
- I used to annoy my dog by peeing against the same trees he did.
- Printers hate me.
- I don't believe in the existence of evil as a concept.
- I'm allergic to the flesh of oranges.
- I retain next to no memory of any gigs I've been to.
- I like to be bitten by women.
- I routinely overcharge batteries.
- I could live on Chinese food.
- I sometimes wish I was a simpler form of life.
- I find it difficult to remain angry at people and sometimes have to force myself so I don't inadvertently forgive an absolute cunt.
- I've bent my wookie on more than one occasion.
- I don't drink milk, but I do eat a lot of cheese. I sometimes makes me really ill.
- I once considered being a transvestite but watching a "where are they now" documentary on 1980s one-hit wonder Marilyn put me off.
- I plan to have an allotment with a small shed in my middle age, and possibly a best friend called Jim Pooley.
- I'm lonely even with friends.
- I collect Kinder suprise toys... for some reason.
- According to my last.fm profile I listen to a rediculous amount of Severed Heads. Which probably isn't even remotely good for me.
- I'll start tomorrow.
- Like dogs I can't see 2D images and just pretend to watch TV, mimicking the actions of others in relation to what they apparently see on the screen.
- I don't think I really believe any of this exists outside my head.
- I have problems that other people know about but I am as of yet still oblivious to.
- My best friend eats cat food.
- ...
- Some of these are bollocks, naturally.