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- Personal / Facts -

 Some facts people might not know about me...

  • I have a cat, a legion of spiders and a dead dog in a box.
  • I'm actually a man.
  • I have five computers none of which really work.
  • I almost never buy my own clothes and have throughout my life relied on various women to do it for me.
  • I comfort-eat when I am unhappy.
  • I also eat to celebrate periods of happiness.
  • I feel guilt after eating.
  • Guilt makes me unhappy.
  • I always counter the need to dress formally by painting my toenails black and gold.
  • I don't hate people. I'm just afraid of them.
  • Wasps hate me.
  • I constantly buy stuff on ebay just so I'll have the joy of decent post.
  • I had to have therapy after playing Doom 3 because of my reoccurring nightmare about being gang-raped by fat bald zombies.
  • I was caught masturbating when I was fifteen by some visiting friends and it stunted my sexual growth.
  • I have a framed picture of Jeffrey Donaldson on my desk to deter thieves.
  • I've read the Bible, the Koran and The Book of The Law but thought the movies were better.
  • I'm a stickler for internet ettiquette and grammar and have actually murdered people for not editing email replies adaquately.
  • I'm still waiting for Blake's 7 to come back, but I've given up on the Amiga and the idea of any new releases from The Sisters of Mercy.
  • I've eaten baguette almost religiously every day since I returned from France.
  • I hardly ever seem to listen to The Cure anymore.
  • I've got a fondness for pickled gherkin.
  • I'm easily intimidated.
  • I use Brylcreem.
  • I met my hero and he turned out to be a twat.
  • Cellular phone batteries hate me.
  • I don't remember my first time.
  • Sid Meier stole my youth.
  • Those last two facts are unrelated.
  • I'm beginning to suspect the new Depeche Mode album might actually be worse than the last one and I'm just deluding myself into thinking otherwise.
  • I have a Tesco Clubcard.
  • I'm really embarrassed about anything bowel related and have held it in for weeks in the past when I couldn't find a comfortable facility.
  • My hair hates me.
  • I have naughty fantasies about Avril Lavigne in a garden shed.
  • I play with toy robots in the bath.
  • I grow herbs in the windowsill.
  • Soya products make me fart.
  • I feel like I lose everything that is important to me but infact it's usually just limited to receipts, backups and lovers.
  • I HATE Ainsley Harriot and I wish he was DEAD!
  • I've no time for misplaced or irrational hatred and those who wish harm upon others.
  • I'm a hypocrite.
  • I haven't worn a watch for over ten years.
  • I can procrastinate to Olympic standards, but I'd never go professional.
  • I believe there is too much cynicism in the world. Especially online. I believe it stems from insecurity and is a sign of immaturity rather than sophistication.
  • I once recorded a concept album about a redundant clone of Jimmy Stewart trying to survive in a media obsessed future dystopia where clones are property with no rights, but it was shite. I lost the masters in a hard drive crash and almost never regret it.
  • Children hate me.
  • I've written about 23 novels (first chapter of) and about 100 short stories (first couple of pages of).
  • I've been virtually vegetarian for years but eat meat in polite company due to peer pressure. I purge in private and suffer great guilt and moral confusion for days later.
  • The ecitement and novelty of seeing ladies naked has never worn off for me and I hope it never does.
  • The smell of liver cooking makes me feel nauseous.
  • I'm uncomfortable around telephones. I fear they might ring.
  • I've been known to giggle nervously in my sleep.
  • I'm trying to be more friendly and trusting, honestly.
  • I can read most of the time without using my finger.
  • People are mean to me.
  • I used to have a ventriloquists dummy but I had to get rid of it because it frightened me. I still fear that it might come back one day. I sleep with the light on.
  • I've made fan-sites for Bomb The Bass, Killing Joke, And One, James Ray & The Weathermen.
  • I coulda been a contender.
  • I believe Michael Jackson is innocent of child abuse and was framed by the Federation because they saw him as a dangerous revolutionary and killing him would only create a martyr to the rebellion.
  • My LJ icon is actually a real photo of me as a child that was used by Tom Ellard for the 1982 Severed Heads release "Goodbye Tonsils". I merely reclaimed it.
  • I once tried to like Football. I even had a "favourite team" but I can't remember which one it was as they all looked the same to me.
  • I used to annoy my dog by peeing against the same trees he did.
  • Printers hate me.
  • I don't believe in the existence of evil as a concept.
  • I'm allergic to the flesh of oranges.
  • I retain next to no memory of any gigs I've been to.
  • I like to be bitten by women.
  • I routinely overcharge batteries.
  • I could live on Chinese food.
  • I sometimes wish I was a simpler form of life.
  • I find it difficult to remain angry at people and sometimes have to force myself so I don't inadvertently forgive an absolute cunt.
  • I've bent my wookie on more than one occasion.
  • I don't drink milk, but I do eat a lot of cheese. I sometimes makes me really ill.
  • I once considered being a transvestite but watching a "where are they now" documentary on 1980s one-hit wonder Marilyn put me off.
  • I plan to have an allotment with a small shed in my middle age, and possibly a best friend called Jim Pooley.
  • I'm lonely even with friends.
  • I collect Kinder suprise toys... for some reason.
  • According to my last.fm profile I listen to a rediculous amount of Severed Heads. Which probably isn't even remotely good for me.
  • I'll start tomorrow.
  • Like dogs I can't see 2D images and just pretend to watch TV, mimicking the actions of others in relation to what they apparently see on the screen.
  • I don't think I really believe any of this exists outside my head.
  • I have problems that other people know about but I am as of yet still oblivious to.
  • My best friend eats cat food.
  • ...
  • Some of these are bollocks, naturally.
- Last update: 2nd Sep 2007 -