Tony & George: This Fellow Came Up To Me
George: Hey Tony, how's it going?
Tony: Terrible... You know I was in Brussels for that interim meeting on the fisheries commission? Well this fellow came up to me, and do you know what he said to me George?
George: What did he say Tony?
Tony: He said 'you stupid cunt'!
George: He called you a cunt, Tony?!
Tony: He called me a stupid cunt, George.
George: Damn! What did you say?
Tony: What else... I mean... What else could I say George? I called him a stupid cunt.
George: Damn. I woulda done the same thing. What'd he say then?
Tony: He called me a STUPID cunt.
George: God damn! The audacity...
Tony: Yeah yeah... He left me with no choice George. I had to emphasize his status as a stupid cunt.
George: Did he reciprocate?
Tony: He did.
George: Damn... That sounds like one hell of a situation. How did you handle it from there?
Tony: He forced my hand George.
George: You hit him?
Tony: No I called him a stupid cunt.
George: Yeah?
Tony: ...then I hit him.
George: Damn. How did he respond to that?
Tony: He said 'Ohhh'.
George: goddammit. That's one messy situation. I'd a hit him again.
Tony: I did. I did. Twice. He said 'Aggghhh...' then fell on the ground in a crumpled heap.
George: Lousy commie... I'da hit him just for that. Lying down too.. goddammit... That's just plain disrespectful!
Tony: I did hit him again... but he wouldn't quit. I felt... Honestly George I felt like crying. But I'm the presi... I mean... I'm the prime minister of England...
George: ...and Ireland.
Tony: No, I'm not prime-minister of Ireland.
George: But there are other countries in the deal right?
Tony: Yeah, erm... Scotland and Wales and the north of Ireland. But that's just a ceremonial thing, it's not a real position.
George: Oh yeah... Like uh... like getting ordained through the mail?
Tony: Yeah kind of... but like I was saying... I'm representing the whole country in this situation. I couldn't let them down, George. I couldn't.
George: Not in the face of this kind of opposition. I mean. The guy just wouldn't back down from the sounds of things.
Tony: He wouldn't. He just wouldn't quit George.... and you know what he said then... after I kicked him in the chest?
George: What'd he say Tony?
Tony: 'Gggahhh... stop... pleaseeee'
George: goddammit Tony... y'see this is why we have the death penalty. You shouldn't have to take that kinda abuse from anyone!
Tony: I shouldn't have to take that kind of abuse from anyone!
George: No! You shouldn't have to take that kinda abuse...
Tony: No... I don't care if he is the president of France.
After 'Derek & Clive: This Bloke Came Up To Me' by Peter Cook & Dudley Moore RIP
